'I wanted to die so many times': Hamas hostage recalls her days in captivity

Aviva Siegel one of the 251 hostages kidnapped during Hamas' attack on October 7, remains haunted by her time in captivity in Gaza, where she was held by Hamas for weeks. Although it has been nearly 10 months since her release, her thoughts are still consumed by the fate of her husband, Keith Siegel, who remains in captivity. The Israeli military reported that 33 hostages are believed to be dead.

Aviva and her husband were captured from their home in Kibbutz Kfar Aza . Aviva was released as part of a truce in November last year, which saw 105 hostages freed in exchange for 240 Palestinians held in Israeli jails. Despite her release, Aviva remains overwhelmed by the memories of her ordeal. "I wanted to die so many times," she admitted, describing the physical toll of her captivity. "When I got out, I had lost 10 kilos. I could barely walk, eat or drink. I don’t want to imagine the situation Keith is in."

"I’m still in Gaza, I haven’t left yet," she told reporters. "I’m with Keith in spirit at all times. I can’t bear to imagine that he and the other hostages are 40 metres below ground, without air to breathe, without food to eat, without anything nice," she told AFP.

Pressure for a deal

Since her return, Aviva has actively participated in protests in Tel Aviv, demanding a resolution for the remaining hostages. "Keith is still there," she shared during a recent demonstration. "We have to get them out. It’s too cruel... It’s unbearable and unforgivable."

The urgency has increased since the Israeli military discovered the bodies of six hostages in a Gaza tunnel in August. Like Aviva, other family members of captives, including Raz Ben Ami, who was also freed in the November truce, continue to pressure the government for action. "I’m sick of burying hostages, returned in coffins," Ben Ami said.