'I hate my body since becoming a mum and don't want my husband to see me naked'

Dear Coleen

Since I had my son a couple of years ago, I’ve felt terrible about my body – my is low and it’s affecting my ­relationship. I don’t want to have sex because I can’t bear for anyone to see me naked and I don’t feel sexy in the slightest.

My husband has done nothing to make me feel bad – it’s all about how I feel about myself. The other night, we were in bed after having a great evening – we’d been out with a few friends – and he started making some moves, but I pulled away from him and switched off the light.

For the first time, he got annoyed and said: “What’s the problem? This has to stop. Don’t you like me any more?”

The thing is, I do find him very attractive – that hasn’t changed. He’s fit and handsome, and I know I’m lucky to have such a great partner, but it doesn’t change how I feel.

It doesn’t help that I’m also exhausted most of the time, looking after a , so don’t feel like exercising, and any
kind of self-care is right at the bottom of the list.

I know I’m in a rut. I just don’t know how to get myself out of it. I’d love some advice.

Coleen says

When you’re in a rut, it’s really hard to see anything positive about yourself or your circumstances. But, you have to focus on those things every day until you start seeing them.

What are your good ­qualities? What do people love about you? What have you achieved? What are you grateful for?

You have a gorgeous child and a husband who loves you – that’s a pretty great foundation.

Take a few minutes to think about this stuff every day and write it in a daily journal to focus your mind. You have a lot going for you.

Look, every person on the planet has things they don’t like about themselves, even young, gorgeous influencers, because
I get letters from them as well. Some things we can work on and others we have to accept.

In terms of what you can work on, like your self-esteem and , improving those things is achievable, but the transformation won’t happen overnight.

Make a start and take baby steps. You have to make the time for self-care. It’s important.

Look what your body did for you, giving you a child – be proud of that. You’re healthy and strong, and you can work on your body.

When it comes to sex, go back to the drawing board and start with romance. starts in the mind. You need to feel desired and have fun again as a couple, then you’ll feel more like having sex. Talk to your husband about how you can both do better instead of avoiding hard conversations.

He sounds like a good guy and I’m sure he’ll be supportive.